Things that can not stand in the pair

According to the French sociologist Jean-Claude Kaufmann, there is an equation that governs love life. At first the relationship is adjusted on the idea that 1 + 1 is equal to 1, that he and she are one. Then with the passage of time and things get complicated equation will change to a 1 + 1 = 2, and in the meantime dismantle the mechanisms of communication that poison life together. Here are the things that is most resent in the pair.

Microconflittualità objects totem
Quarrel coppiaGli experts call microconflittualità objects totem and each has its: dirty clothes, toothpaste, toilet seat, trash. But the object is only a pretext, and those who complain of these oversights actually want to tell him that he is selfish. These complaints are typical of life together, when comparing different habits and everyone tries to define their own spaces. Usually one partner gives in to laziness of the intimacy of their home and in these cases we recommend not overdoing it. But if the situation continues it should be put in a few things clear.

Usual accusations
Guest threats and accusations are heavy in the life of a couple: to say that he or she is selfish and careless freak home and repeat it constantly is a game that triggers unnecessary wars and endless because it fights back to defend. You should avoid expressing their discontent so whiny and victimized and grunts are a form of aggression and a childish attitude that leads to react angrily. Better instead to express clearly what does not suit us, but politely.

Interpret the thoughts of others
Women often anticipate what they think the fellow will say, but it is a double trap. First you want to interpret the thought of the other partner and give it a trial, a conviction that it is far from clear that he shares. So the other feels cut off from any objection. Again the strategy is to talk about themselves, avoiding judgments and opinions attributed to another even if it is a time of great battle.

Communication oblique
Some couples, during conflicts, trying to force the other objective evidence of their view of things. Accusing the partners in the presence of others or tell him that we should record what he says, are examples of communication oblique, and stems from the inability to deal with the partner directly, preferring to summon a witness. If you often seek a third opinion means that communication has reached a critical point. In these cases better to ask for help from a couple therapist.

"Your business"
Quarrel Cleanliness sentence, but also "not my fault" are for the other party of low blows and fall in the strategies used to remove the problems, a convenient way to pull themselves out of the conflict, but also to agree to another to stop It is a way to download the problem with indifference. It's a tactic typically male with a single sentence opposed a glass ceiling and in fact, however, the communication ends with a great sense of frustration.

Spy on the partner is right or wrong

The The The modern means certainly not help to refrain from spying on partners: accomplices phones, Internet, SMS, and chat is hard to resist improvise spies. You start by checking your phone and you end up typing the password to read emails or even get into the social network. Prohibited acts that may be the extremes of a crime (including the violation of privacy) and can create cracks because every romantic relationship should be based first of all on mutual trust.

When they fail trust and respect it is difficult to share a feeling because being the couple does not mean cancel their individuality and monitor the life of another can have only one effect: the break.

Is it right to spy on your partner?
Difficult to answer on the moral value of spying and is not easy to determine whether it is right or not to control the other. However, even when their suspicions are based, assume the role of Sherlock Holmes does not help solve the issue and look for evidence only requires a lot of stress for both the controller and the controlled. The only solution in this case is dialogue, because a verbal confrontation lets you know if the betrayal is associated in a moment of weakness, a momentary discomfort, in a personal crisis or couple.

Why do you spy? Spy on the partner
Usually what drives a person to control their partner is the low self-esteem, because people are frightened by the uncertainty insecure. The need to control is often related to a core belief that if control I avoid disappointments and suffering, and often this mechanism is because you have an emotional beckground unpleasant. These are usually people who have lived the experience of abandonment at an early age and adult feelings of disappointment and frustration can resurface and pour on the partner from which it is feared a betrayal or abandonment.

An OCD
Spy on the long run can create the risk of developing an obsessive-compulsive ritual against the person you love, especially when you realize that this activity can appease their personal anxieties. Only awareness helps to get rid of this behavior, the person must recognize his problem and become aware of the consequences that this behavior can have both personal and torque. It is important to analyze their wounds of abandonment to not download these anxieties about partner.

Check the partner
Spy is a crime
Italian law considers the practice of spying on a tort of invasion of privacy or correspondence. So even when you want to use these evidence in court in divorce cases, in most cases are unusable elements. The law prohibits the use as sources of evidence is the interception of telephone calls and SMS messages to be "stolen" from Facebook.

Arguing without injury

Conflicts of couple often summarize a series of recriminations that manifest frustrations; hence in the inevitable series of question and answer is not uncommon that everyone remains on the defensive and do not strive to get closer to each other to really understand the object of contention.

However, to avoid that the discussions have unpleasant consequences, it is important that both the parties use an appropriate tone and words consistent. Because you have to learn to fight, leaving deep wounds.

Llitigare without injury
Constructive discussions
Some people prefer to smash open conflict masked, which is expressed through the underground sarcasm or passive-aggressive behavior, while others fear the comparison to the point of avoiding any argument to keep the atmosphere as much as possible idyllic.
Actually a couple really balanced is not the one that does not quarrel ever, but one that can do it in the most appropriate. This means using the misunderstandings and difficulties to lead a process of growth and if necessary reconsider their views, since the argument is a time of mutual understanding.

Llitigare without injury
The rules for her and for him not to use the other's weaknesses
In a loving relationship, knowledge of each other's weaknesses and frailties may be counterproductive. While allows you to live a more authentic relationship, encouraging an open exchange, the other can be used during a fight to hurt the partner with offensive weapons. So during an argument you should not take advantage of the vulnerabilities of the other.
Do not use "always" and "never"
Use these adverbs means exaggerate the judgment, giving a distorted and provocative behavior of the partner. Better to resort to a language less categorical, making it possible to take a step back from the individual positions, approaching the party considering other points of view and other angles.
Leave out parents and in-laws
Often the temptation to shift responsibility of grudges and misunderstandings to their parents can be strong, but it is to be avoided. The risk is involved in the melee relatives, with the formation of opposing sides. This prevents the relationship to evolve, keeping it trapped in cruel forces that do not allow you to be honest with themselves and with each other.
Do not stop and listen
Knowing how to listen is a precious art that requires the ability to express leave the other without interfering, without judgment and blame. Apply this mode during a fight is difficult, because it requires self-control, tact and sensitivity. But exercise is good for the couple and to really understand each other's needs.
Avoid insults and profanity
During an argument they often take offense and use terms are ill suited. In this way, however, the discussion does not lead anywhere. Better to wait until the anger passes and then open a comparison using more civil tone.

Is there really a soul mate?

occasionally there everything happens in an instant: a phrase, a look, a smile, and the spark is struck. It's not as unlikely as it is much more difficult to fall in love with the right person. Without resorting to outright theories according to which the right man you meet one in a lifetime, in this article we will try to offer a little handbook to trust to understand, without haste, if you run us in person you would like to grow old gracefully.

Choosing the right partner is perhaps less difficult than expected, and to find out is important to keep open the heart, but also the eyes and mind.

Here are 10 simple steps that can make us understand if he is our soul mate.

Is there really a soul mate
Listening
The first thing we must ask is whether the man who we have on our side is able to keep your ears open, because it is impossible to spend a lifetime with someone who is not able or did not want to practice the art of 'listening.

Spontaneity
If you are with the right person we should not have the feeling of being different from what we are. It seems obvious but it is not, because almost always the first appointments tend to wear the mask better, but when we realize that we can do without it means that we are on track and if this happens immediately then there is no doubt.

Is there really a soul mate
Feeling
There is immediate feeling? We feel at ease as if he had taken alchemy chemistry? If the answer is yes, then the two people probably combine course.

Confidence
If we're not afraid to share thoughts, opinions and doubts about our very personal life, it probably means we are also able to share physical spaces, because what we feel is to have confidence.

Enrichment
If his presence in our lives makes a difference in a positive way, because we like to schedule things with him, both emotionally and sentimentally, it means that enriches the days and this is the basis for a lasting relationship.

Dedication
Both make small sacrifices to go meet? We change our habits and give up something, all without that weight? This is the torque that makes the difference, one that does not hold back in front of a modest sacrifice to be happy.

Sharing
If either we give the other participant of our lives (friends, family, places) it means that we are not taking in the dark waiting for confirmation, but we like to think, and include other things in our lives and in our world.

Happiness
Pampering or get some surprises are pleasant ways to discover that the other has spent the time to make us happy.

Is there really a soul mate
Affinity
To transform a relationship into a stable relationship serves to share the basics. Without this affinity it is difficult to last long.

Friendship
Our partner must be a friend of ours; life is long and arduous, the feelings that are out of control and daydreaming slip away in a serene intimacy, but when we realize that the other is the first person with whom we would like to talk at any time, then The game is over!

3 Health Hazards Due Feeling "Alone"

Yet or do not have a boyfriend does make a person feel alone. However, as long as they have good friends and family who love, why should feel alone, is not it? However, another case where a person lives without having a boyfriend, friend, even ignoring his family.

Indeed there is a life like that? Not not possible, there must be people who live in solitude. Yet human beings are created in pairs and socialize with their surroundings. When he drowned in solitude, whether intentional or not intentional, it will harm himself. In fact, the potential to interfere with his mental health.

Danger solitude been discussed in this article. Then, according to research by Psychological Science, those fair amount of time to spend time alone, do not get along, and loneliness, will see the face of the doll as a human face. Even worse, people who are lonely have more health problems than those who socialize every day. At least, there are three dangers that haunt the people who own and lonely.
Lazy Caring for Yourself

When alone, most people become not concerned with himself. Messy life, not health care, and so on. Because they do not have the support of the people around. At least, are giving attention to smarter care of himself. There is one study that says that the risk of death from heart disease may increase if someone middle-aged live alone. The risk increases if the person does not socialize with the surrounding community so that only live alone in the lonely.
Often Feeling Sad and Stress

According to research from the University of Chicago, the more a person feels lonely, the more likely he suffered grief until the end in depression. Why? Because, when you feel lonely, cortisol (the cause of depression) in that person becomes active. Then, how to cure it? By interacting, of course. Therefore, to communicate with people around him considered more effective in reducing symptoms of depression compared to taking anti-depressant medication.

54389823_88dbffdf7d_o
Weakened Immune

When you feel alone, the body does not produce endorphins and dopamine so that people do not feel happy. But not only that, also weakens the immune system so that he can be attacked by the disease. So, even though the person is diligently taking vitamins, the drug will not work due to their own feelings of his body.

Enough harm instead? So, socialize with people around. solitude was not because it did not have a boyfriend, but because of the feeling that emerges from within himself and not in a relationship with friends and family

How to manage relations with the partner's family

Many couples, sooner or later, have to reckon with the interference of the families of origin; the relationship with her in-laws, in fact, is crucial for the proper functioning of the relationship. In the game there are several levels of relationships: between husband and wife, between mother and child, between siblings and in-laws. And if the partner is chosen for certain characteristics that make it attractive to our eyes, the same does not apply to parents and relatives, to be accepted as they are.

Avoiding that families of origin ruining our married life?

Relatives needy
There are relatives who live on the backs of others, always asking for aid and favors and facing a refusal leverage the guilt, giving the new partner responsible for this "abandonment". It is a form of invasion that can give rise to heavy fighting because one would like to meet the demands of his family and the other does not like these excessive claims.
To avoid these situations, the best thing would immediately establish the boundaries of their availability, because, in the absence of poles, the intrusion is guaranteed. But do not make the same game and call the mother-in-law only when we need to baby-sit!

Relatives intrusive
It is the most prevalent category: phone every hour, arriving unannounced, they are placed in the house for days and stick their noses everywhere. Usually where there is a family intrusive is a son / a pulseless; men often slaves of the mother who does not have the courage to take distance. However it is not a phenomenon only men, there are also many women who even after marriage continue to rely only on the mother.
To prevent relatives to meddle too much in your life you have, from the beginning of history, clearly establish the limits. So Mom and Dad need to know when and how are welcome.

Relatives "chilly"
At first it seems a fortune: Reserved relatives who keep their space and stay away from the newly formed pair. With time, however, we need to understand whether it is indifference or if it is a question of character and sense of respect. In the first case we have to confront directly and clarify the reasons for this position. If it comes to character, with the delicacy and the time people will win the shyness.

The steps
The first step, whatever our type of family, must be the child / ae each partner must place limits and conditions to his family and demand respect for the beloved. But if the attack is personal and not directed to the couple, then it is important to have a direct confrontation with the "in-laws".
Another important step is to be firm but conciliatory because in case of misunderstandings or clashes with the family of the other must maintain a firm attitude but diplomatic. It is essential for the mediation does not blow up the balance of family and couple.
Finally frame immediately who you have in front to immediately establish rules and clear boundaries.

In love you have to say everything

Sometimes we are so caught up by the enthusiasm of a new romance that we give in to the temptation to open ourselves fully with the partner, revealing every secret.

It seems that even the new trend among young Americans is to exchange passwords of internet and mobile phones with your partner: a way to declare undying love and total confidence, but also a mistake that can be costly, not only from very young: the most of the time it is how to throw a boomerang and sooner or later the consequences are felt.

In all love stories, there is a stage on which the heart takes precedence over reason, and this leads to make impulsive choices; Also in the first months of a story it is so strong the desire to merge completely with the other that tends to break down every secret, telling all about himself and his past. With the passage of time, however, it is normal that in each of us re-emerge the need to re-appropriate their spaces "secrets", but if you paid in advance you shared everything, the business is not easy.

In love you have to say everything
Right to privacy even in the pair
Privacy, confidentiality agreement by law as to his person and his life is an inviolable right of every individual and should not be lost even in relations to two. It is not opposed to the values ​​of sharing love, sharing and unity, but everyone has the right to keep a space just for themselves, without the partner feels sidelined.
The real love affair is not made up of two halves but by two integers and, although in love and devoted to each other, each person must safeguard an individual dimension that does not affect the value of the report, but is a sign of respect, esteem and maturity itself. And if you want the relationship functions, privacy must be respected.

In love you have to say everything
I, you, us
In loving relationships there are three distinct dimensions: I, you and us. In some situations it is right prevails the size of torque, the us, but it is important not to lose sight of the individual units, the I and the you. Each individual and each couple is free to choose where the ends and I begin on us, but problems arise when the will of one of the two do not coincide with those of the other.
However, it is good to know that not everyone who says everything he has nothing to hide and who is silent has secrets dangerous: the opening to the other depends on the character, the experiences and some people are more open and who more reserved.
Each couple has to find a balance between the individual and the couple and each one must know how far it can go in investigating the life of the other, on its past, its old loves and old friendships.

When it is right to maintain privacy
Assuming that each couple is free to act as it sees fit, it is also right to know which share some personal things, over time can cause problems. The cases are as follows:

1. passwords to social networks, email etc.

2. SMS: what we say to friends, parents, etc. they are not necessarily business torque

3. The memory box: letters, photographs and things that belong to the past of the other are personal and should not influence the present and the future

4. the personal diary: contains everything that you do not want or are unable to verbalize, it is an outlet close and personal with yourself and the reader may not understand or misunderstand.

Couple textbook, here's how

Everything, absolutely everything about how to run the couple: this is the intention of a manual that is flying off the shelves, and maybe you could read or give away the occasion of Valentine's Day.
In this manual 80 psychotherapists have dictated their personal Decalogue, collected in a book called The Ten Commandments of the couple ", which deals with the relationship from multiple viewpoints.

couple textbook

Accept
The first rule to build a solid foundation for partners to accept the couple is what it is because it is wrong to think they can change the other and at the same time it is wrong to change themselves for others. You have to keep individuals in the couple, with their own personal identity and never forgetting what pushed us into the arms of the other.

Seduction
Because the relationship functions there must be also seduction continues. In what way? Ensuring each day closes in the sign of an intimate gesture and affectionate towards their partner. Everyone likes to be seduced, but if the other does not expect the first step, because the evidence we want is also in the fact that responds to our messages.

Gestures and glances
How to communicate love, desire and needs? With words, but with gestures and non-verbal communication; we smile, we wink, we look at each other. Also we take care of our appearance because it is a way of communicating that to us and we hold him.

Match
Arguing is good for the couple and the integrity of the couple is the most threatened by indifference to the conflict. So fight as long as we focus on the here and now and not on the past. Let us not be overly critical and offend, do not raise your voice and avoid being categorical (the words always and never, should be abolished). Finally no to lies and yes to forgiveness.

Ironic but not sarcastic Sarcasm is to be avoided because it suppresses the love and devalues ​​the other, the couple and himself. Better a healthy irony and self-mockery, laugh at their weaknesses because the couple is strengthened.

Get compliments and flirting couple textbook
It 'important to express admiration for the partners, emphasizing what we like about him. Never take anything for granted and smile.

Words and fantasies about sex
Do not be ashamed of the partner and ask him also what we never had the courage to tell him. Also it is good to discuss the wishes and fantasies hidden outside of the bedroom. Nothing is forbidden in the pair even if sometimes you are not in agreement about certain fantasies, but we track our partner ... you never know ...

Be accomplices
Fun together must always be the first target of the pair, before the desire: so it is important to find every day new and nice things to share.

A family without marriage

There is the family without marriage? Having a mother and a father who are not married, but who grow their children just like any other couples recognized.

They are almost 2 million couples who are not married and who, while living under the same roof, are not recognized by the state, but are classified as unmarried couples. For these couples started a petition, which is a collection of signatures, to support a law that would recognize the rights.

This new request would arrive also by same-sex couples, however, for which many would not have the right to ... have these rights.
Many argue that a gay couple may very well lead their lives, but without enlarge his choice to having a child. And on this topic as we all know there are many disputes and thoughts really different and conflicting.

Who is for and who is against this initiative?

Why be in favor
It is a popular law, which therefore does not come from Parliament. According to Istat, 60% of Italians are in favor, as this will add rights without toglierne anyone.
You should start from the idea, perhaps enlarged and flexible, the family has changed, especially in recent years, from a core patriarchal or matriarchal, in very large families, to families where having a child is an event, by extended families made by parents who separate and remarry or are with new companions and children are to have everything double or even families with a single parent who takes care exclusively of the child. In short, by virtue of all that is good then evaluate the many possibilities and not preclude anything or anyone.
There are families of people who have come together to support crisis and jobs lost, to join forces to form new nuclei are very different from the classic family.
The Register of unions would be a tool to recognize these new families and households, especially when you consider with urgent cases, such as for a hospital stay, it has a loved one next door is very important.

Why be against it
Who is against it argues that it is how to create a duplication of what already exists, but that is enshrined in the Constitution.
In addition, some have an idea extremely conservative and traditional family, supported by a strong religious base, which sanctions the family only after the union consecrated before God between a man and a woman. This sacred union can be separated only by God, that will go on until death. On this basis, the idea of ​​"insecurity" that instead can call the couple tied by another constraint, as what is asked for unmarried couples, is something to criticize.

For posterity will judge! Meanwhile, we await the developments of these events and we try in our small to lead a good life and have it lead to our children and young people, creating a more relaxed atmosphere as possible.

Men who do not help at home

In a previous article we told you about how the man home, who helps out at home, with household chores and managing the children, it was very appreciated by women.
However there is also a category of men who remain lying down on the couch to play the play station, while you arrabattate including stove, iron shirts and rags of dust. How to do so?

Istat data confirms that 76.2% of household tasks are carried out by women; although the company has changed, over 2003 people have offered only 9 minutes more of their time to help in the house, and when they do, often, constantly underline the task being performed.
Often the basis is an unconscious resistance to accept jobs "little men", he lived almost as an attack on manhood or personal identity. Then it is also true that many women are accustomed to consider himself indispensable, and how they do things no one like, so the comrades are afraid of a partner who never asks or scolding.

Maybe a cultural problem?
But it seems that behind the difficulties male domestic roles to play there is also the strong influence of parental models and internalized the conflict for the acquisition of power within the relationship.
Also according to the Norwegian research "Equality in the home," couples who are evenly split the housework divorce more, because the relationship in which the normal rules of sharing and partnership are also those where the woman is better educated and more realized in the work, as well as economically, and what it seems to be good for the relationship.
Another study done by the University of Cambridge, however, belies the thesis above, and concluded that men who are working at home more live better and make more on the job; It therefore seems that the secret to a good life is in washing dishes, so shaking off the guilt.

How to help entice a mate
Research aside, in today's society it is important that partners work together, while maintaining their own parts.
In those couples where the man is reluctant to help out in the house, the woman should soften and stimulate it so:

1. Do not complain always hoping that he take action alone; rather ask for help and express unto your needs clearly, but sweet.

2. delegated tasks more masculine, such as repairing appliances, move furniture and pull the curtains.

3. When a mistake or does not do things as you do not expect the sgridatelo and do not be angry: it's not for lack of will, but often for lack of habit.

4. Decide together who can do and, because responsibilities are distributed not discharge.

5. If he makes mistakes, learn to accept an approximate result.

6. When you get a good result gratificatelo and be sure to gradually increase its commitment.

How to overcome a betrayal

It happens to many couples and when it happens is really a blow, a deep trauma that calls into question the foundations of the relationship between two people: the betrayal.You can go further? Yes, as long as there are some conditions, first of all be able to really leave behind what has happened.Here, then, are some tips and suggestions to overcome betrayal and carry the couple, improving it.

How to react to a betrayalObviously every situation is in itself and requires its own individual path to be discussed and elaborated. However there may be some suggestions for those who are forced to deal with a betrayal, after establishing a new balance within the couple.1. Look at the reality, not hide our heads in the sand consoling himself with cliches, but try to understand why it happened betrayal, taking note of an indisputable truth.2. Set an honest comparison, so needless flood of questions the partner traitor, which in fact would only increase our suffering; useless even complain or go fishing old misunderstandings that would only increase tension.3. Take responsibility and try to wonder what triggered the infidelity of partners. This does not mean shoulder all the blame, but also admit their mistakes.4. Reset the couple's relationship, tackling and getting rid of the problems that hinder the relationship to evolve, to prevent the betrayal could happen again. It is also important to re-establish fixed points on the meaning and the value you attach to behavior and language, making sure that the way to interpret them is the same.5. Be prepared to pay a price and those who have been betrayed should be brought into question by reviewing old patterns of behavior and thought. Who betrayed, however, he must learn to put themselves to the test, demonstrating the extent to which it is willing to change in order to save the relationship.6. Accept the changes because a betrayal is not cleared, even when he was forgiven; however it is important that the couple consider it a positive light, and an opportunity to become aware of what the link was not working.Don'tsAs we have seen how it would be best to react, there are also other things that you should avoid doing:1. zero or humiliate: those who have suffered a betrayal should try to cultivate his self-esteem and preserve their dignity, without questioning its value.2. Become cynical thinking that all relationships are like that; better to keep a positive mental attitude, which manifests itself through behaviors, the quality of the thoughts and the language and makes people more attractive and popular.3. Get in competition with each other / a, because each of us has an individuality precise, as well as having physical characteristics that make us unique and irreplaceable beautiful and desirable.4. Continue to suspect: to overcome a betrayal must leave behind what has happened, continue to rethink infidelity does not help, but feel the history always under pressure.

Couple: how to reconcile different rhythms?

In the film Ladyhawke the two protagonists can never be together because of a curse, because the day he is a man and she a hawk, while at night she takes human form and he turns into a wolf.
It is a fictional story, but in reality there are many couples who, due to different biorhythms, can not "be" and reconcile the times. In this way the lives of two becomes really difficult, but there are little tricks to find the tune.
Reconcile different rhythms in the pair
Owls, larks and hummingbirds
One wakes up at dawn, the other goes to sleep at that hour, and then in the evening reversing the roles and the early collapse on the couch, while the night owl, restless and lively, would like to do later. Now click inevitably misunderstandings and quarrels. Behind this incompatibility is only a mismatch of biorhythms and a different movement of the power curve in the day.
According to the rhythms and vitality levels people may belong to three categories: hummingbirds, owls, larks.
# The hummingbirds are those who have a good ability to adapt to the styles of others and      solitamnete go to bed at 11 and wake up without problems at 7 in the morning.
#The Larks, however, the night they sleep early but are sprightly dawn.
#I Owls can sleep only at night and in the morning prefer to get up late, struggling to get going and become productive only by mid-day.

While hummingbirds are adapted and usually are chosen, owls and larks attract, like all opposites, but the consequences are often disastrous.

Try to stay together
Usually in couples where there are an owl and lark, lives are being conducted in parallel and we meet in a few moments. One wakes up early, have breakfast and go out, while the other still sleeping. The important thing is that they both put in listening to the mood of the other, without demanding sharing absolute: you have to be aware of the diversity of biorhythm and personal characteristics.
The important thing is not to complain and bring to bear the difference in style, but take advantage of the times when we meet; postpone important topics at sunset, when both are awake and active. We should also take advantage of the different moments of energy to help others. Who gets up before it could prepare breakfast at the partner, and who is owl and maximum energy in the afternoon can clean the house and to find dinner ready lark who returns to his home tired aa.

Reconcile different rhythms in the pair
Some tricks
Since the evening lark is destroyed, the opportunities to go out together are reduced; the advice is for the owl, to plan the weekend evenings, when the partner is more likely to loosen their schemes. If the exit midweek has already been programmed, then you can help others not to get too tired in the evening, easing the burden of commitments.
If then around 1am you notice the tiredness of the other, not let them weigh, propose to go home is a great way to encourage even future releases, because it is a compromise.

And sex?
For owls and larks also the time of sex often does not coincide: who is full of energy in the morning would start the day with love, while the libido Owls wakes up late in the evening. We must therefore learn to synchronize, for example during the weekend lark partner can delay his request to meet with an owl more enthusiastic, while in week approach is postponed to late afternoon or before dinner, when both have still energies.

Do not tell your friends about their partner

The good taste, privacy and respect for our fellow / a would require us not to put ourselves in talking with friends about some things that concern the life of the couple.
Many times, especially after a quarrel, they tend to reveal things to others which, however, belong to the private world of the report.

We try to put ourselves in the shoes of the other: we would like to find out who went to tell his friends intimate things of our lives? So what are the arguments that we should just avoid?

The Upside
Telling that arguing can be a rash, but maybe we should avoid going in the specific and still always be honest and tell things as they really are, even taking their own faults. The fact is that then we get angry if your friend agrees to our partner then or we can accept his sincere opinion, or we avoid the topic.

Sex
There are people who tell by the thread and sign their own and others' sexual performance, so detailed as to embarrass even the listener.
Which is then to boast of spectacular performances, or on the contrary, because we complain of any defaillance, problems or failure on the part of the partners, should always be avoided stories on this topic. It is by no means a thing of good taste and sexuality should remain in the intimate sphere and private couple. If you really have problems and you need to talk to someone, it might want a sex therapist.

Betrayal
The argument is rather delicate betrayal: you tomorrow you may accept it and overcome it, forgiving the partner. But tell this situation to friends, who love you and see you suffer, could be a double edged sword, and if one day there will be a reconciliation with the partners, because they could not accept this and hate him / her, for what you have done in the past. So pay attention to the people with whom you speak!

The past of the partner and its problems
With our friends we have confidence, we know and are familiar with our past. They have learned to accept and for this reason there was a real friendship. Although they have become friends of our partners, but we should never be the ones to tell him of his past. No one has the right to talk about the present and past life of another.
In addition, we can all have personal problems and we have no right to tell those of others because it is the sign of little respect. Let us always remember that for a couple functions and be happy, we must always be respected.

Couple things not to say to friends
Financial problems
It is one thing if you talk about your financial problems with friends, but emphasize those of patner, may be insensitive, especially if he is going through a difficult and definitely not happy about this situation.
Even if, on the contrary, money is not a problem and in fact your partner is very well-off, should not be listed properties, the salary that is perceived and the money that you have.

The importance of the kiss

How can we forget the most famous and longest kiss in film history? One between Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman in Notorious, for which the director, to circumvent censorship, had to break the scene with minimal interruptions in which the two protagonists were passing from the balcony to the kitchen, then they kissed, and then peeling off changing room resume kissing.
The most striking of these scenes is all the erotic charge that may be in a kiss.

But why is it so important in a couple kissing?

The meaning of the kiss
The history of the kiss and its true value comes from far away; the anthropological meaning indicates that it feeds the other, because in the first kiss you meet the food needs. Our ancestors, in order to feed their young, they had to chew food more times, and then chop through the mouth and lips nourished off spring.
For psychoanalysis, the primordial meaning of the kiss goes back to one of the most important phases of our lives: the breastfeeding mother. Through breastfeeding not only nourishment, but is experienced through the suction that first contact with the mother of pampering and and heat.
Also the kiss symbolizes the initiation erotic, just think how many fairy tales princesses asleep, anesthetized than sexual pleasures, are awakened when the principles of the kiss.

Thermometer of love
Who does not remember the first kiss of his life? And who does not remember all the "first kiss" the important stories that we have experienced? Usually around the kiss that determines the beginning of a passion they remember everything.
From a point of view erotic kiss is an important gesture, an act of fusion, a possession, and enjoy eating one another. It is an entering into each other, as happens in the embrace, but the kiss means much more because it is falling in love, love and affection.
Often after the first couple times they forget to kiss, something totally wrong! That's why the kiss is an indicator of how the relationship is working between partners.

Many kisses all starts and then just
Unfortunately it happens like this: once disappeared the romantic and passionate aura initial, almost physiologically the kiss as a means of emotional and desire fails. From a point of view erotic kiss "traditional" becomes almost mechanical, duty, but no transport; in everyday life no longer exists and when you love is only a necessary step, and very often it happens that couples do not dock neither outside nor inside the bed.

Kisses saves couple
Everyone should know that right in the kiss can find the resources to save the couple relationships. Try to go back to kissing to rediscover again the involvement especially with kisses inesigenti, or those who do not necessarily have to lead to a follow-sexual.
We must emphasize the sensuality rather than sexuality and make everything a little 'more romantic and less physical, referring to a pre-sexual pleasure, because contact between the lips is surprise, surprise and discovery.

Tips for a happy coexistence

It 's normal that after a while' time you are together and we love, couples decide to live together. Often, however, it is a difficult step, which presupposes the presence of a good understanding and also of a large dose of mediation capacity and tolerance.

Living together can be happy and we would like to give you some tips because the lives of two under one roof does not turn into a living hell.

Two different people
Get out of the mind that those who love us to bear to force all of us just because he is in love / a. To maintain any relationship is fundamental come meet and find a compromise, but that does not mean renunciation, but love: the difference is abysmal!
When something happens, the ability to forgive is a quality very valuable and if you want to do you have to go all the way. But if you can not swallow an episode, a fight or worse a betrayal, then not deceive yourselves and the other because it probably means that you can not and forgive and the risk is to turn every question into an endless process. To forgive is not to complain: you can point out things, but do not reproach her.

Respect for people and spaces
The first thing to remember when you live together, but just when it relates to someone else is respect! This means get in the shoes of others and always wondering if what we do could somehow hurt him.
Another key issue is that even if you live together and we love, we remain two separate persons with personal desires and their interests. This does not necessarily mean that we should do everything with each other, so it's important to keep some spaces and activities distinct. Of course, if you begin to have nothing in common and leisure pass it always separated, then perhaps there is to question the couple.

Divide responsibilities and pleasures
Since today the couple both work almost always, it is right that all the tasks of the house are divided. It is not necessary that your partner will turn into the perfect housewife, but can lead to walking the dog, drying clothes and take care of paying bills and miscellaneous expenses. Divide the tasks it saves a lot of time and allows you to have free time to devote to your hobbies.

Heal yourself and your sexuality
For some reason after the first months in which every moment is good to make love, then he takes over the tiredness and boredom and even sex becomes an inevitable destination. Surely a bit 'depends on whether the initial passion fades with time, but another reason is often that the partner after a while' time they are together, they forget to take care of their appearance, thinking to remain equally attractive, just because there is love. So always remember that the care and attention to your body is the first key of Eros!

Laugh
Laughter is good mood, health and also to the couple! Being able to smile at the difficulties, to small differences, and the defects of the other, rather than turning everything into tragedy helps to overcome difficult moments, those in which one asks who you did it make to leave your house and your spaces.

Strategies saves couple

As we psychologists, philosophers and spin doctors are committed to studying magic recipes and formulas to save the couple and romantic relationships, it is actually difficult and above all there is no single solution. The pairs of long life, happy and serene, however, exist and it is "studying" this has been possible to draw up some countermeasures necessary to lasting and solid relationship.

There are many stereotypes about the rules saves couple, but sometimes they are more harmful than good. Let's see then what to remove and what should review the various theories to drop one of a pair of manual.

Strategies saves couple
Children can split the pair
The idea that the arrival of a child is an event harmful to the couple is fairly recent; in reality this happens if the report is based on a mutual narcissism that pushes partners deeply in love and used to be reflected in each other, to form a single nucleus. In these cases the children can create a real emotional earthquake.
But if the couple, despite the changes, you can change and recognize their new identity, then the children will not destabilize all. Obviously it is important to maintain an erotic life also made of tenderness, especially since there will be times when the pace change erotic. And a way to go sometimes to the size of the dual is to entrust their children to grandparents or friends for a few hours or days, without guilt because what gives welfare to a child is not only the physical presence of the parents, but also a good family harmony.

You have to communicate ... but also know how to keep quiet
Often say everything becomes a double edged sword; deeply analyze everything could become a way to try to know everything about the other and then to control it. But the truth is that love rejects every rational scheme, there are no clear answers and defined and feelings are floating; not always the words can express the feeling you and misunderstandings can arise. The communication is non-verbal and this defines true empathy.
This does not mean that we should not talk, because to solve some problems is crucial, but every couple also needs moments of silence, pauses to listen to yourself and your partner in order to give more meaning to what will be said later.

Strategies saves couple
Sex is important but also the quality
The desire changes throughout the life of all of us, is floating and it is not easy to master it.
Some couples argue that the crisis depends on the number of sexual relations, but in reality this is not a reliable factor, but rather the intensity of when you do it. Always be on the same wavelength is not possible, but what matters is the ability and the pleasure of playing together.

Wanting to change each other?
See each other not as it is but as it should be or as we would like it to be is a subtle form of violence that can push him to feel poorly understood, unappreciated and unloved; It is like asking him to move away from its most authentic aspirations they do not correspond to ours. The demand for change is acceptable only if there are behaviors that hurt or disappoint deeply.
In reality, if we trust the love, we love that person with strengths and weaknesses, slowly changes happen without being requested, but only because it is responsible for the couple.

Be tolerant couple

At the beginning of a story, the other seems always perfect and, above all, in addition to love its merits, there invaghiamo also its flaws. With the passage of time, however, those aspects of the character's partner, who first passed into the background, become increasingly irritating, and you tend to be more alert to the negative aspects rather than looking at the positive and frustrating for both. Perhaps it would be enough to be just a little 'more tolerant and things would be better.

Tolerance
According to Istat the leading cause of separation in Italy are not betrayals, but the inability to tolerate. It seems an easy concept, but it is not at all, especially because as the length of the relationship, dealing daily with another person, it becomes a physiological phenomenon being less tolerant. The time of passion, those defects emerge partner with clever foresight had removed, and here we see that the other is messy, lazy or fussy. All features present before, but the difference is that before they passed unnoticed while now get irritated.

How to acquire tolerance
It's not that if the other pulls more defects is our fault, but perhaps we are changed in his eyes; live together, the bustle of everyday life and the many tasks they emerge less pleasant parts of ourselves and this reflection is critical to understand that tolerance is one way unthinkable. He too will have experienced our defects. With that in mind, therefore, it can gradually become more tolerant.

An exercise
An exercise to do often, would be to reconstruct the image of the higher; usually we tend to always see what is wrong, but try to ask you why you fell in love with him. Maybe it is lazy, does not help and does not have initiatives, but is faithful and honest. Or maybe it's brilliant and a bit 'absent, but would not you love if turning in man version / sofa.
It is therefore an objective to balance its qualities and its defects.

Welcoming the benefits
The rule is lower perfectionism, not do everything a battle, avoid long faces. It is normal for the couple emerge problems and difficulties, but we must confront, without dwelling on small insignificant details that by the time you magnify out of proportion.
We try to be pretty lenient with others as we are with ourselves, we will live better the couple's relationship and life in general.

The house is not a barracks
Usually it is the women to be more intolerant with the couple, claiming everything right so far and at home dictate strict laws and established, that make it resemble the home of a barracks. In these cases the relationship that seems to be the maximum of political correctness becomes almost a "limited company" compared with a love story, but the company can fail, attention!

How not to turn the holiday into a nightmare couple

According to statistics the majority of separations takes place in October, after having lived a summer of strife.
During the holidays, which should be a time to unwind, relax and find the harmony, creating dynamics that can give rise to confrontation and, if love is not solid, seriously threaten the relationship. Both for those who live, but especially for those who do not live together, spend a lot of time brings out neighboring parts of the character that usually do not bother each other. But always stay with a grumpy or a Criticona may lose patience.

Maintain their own space and be conciliatory
Especially if you start on your own, no more friends, the holidays of couples do not have to be experienced standing 24 hours 24 stuck. It is important that everyone can take advantage of the holidays to devote himself to what they like best and maybe one makes a diving while the other can sit comfortably in the sun to read his beloved book. No guilt, then in the evening you will end up for dinner and you'll be more united than ever. A bit of 'detachment turn on the desire and not fomenting the bickering. The couple, then, especially on vacation, should be more conciliatory, do not try the discussion at all costs and do not stress anything wrong. Otherwise you could really transform the holiday into a nightmare couple.

The rules saves holidays
Just as when you go with friends, even holiday couple, should be rules.

1. First, it is important to decide a goal that will work both to avoid to please each other and then reproach him at the first opportunity.

2. Do not arrange everything, because already in the rest of the year we have to follow the schemes, at least on vacation we live day by day without planning everything.

3. Just as it is important to keep the individual spaces is also nice to find something to do together; Sharing helps you feel closer and more appreciative of each other.

4. Another important rule when you do a couple of vacation is to limit as much as possible the use of tablets, PCs and mobile phones. Every now and leave them in the room, no exits and discover the pleasure of speaking without interruption. You realize that there are too many silences between you? This also may be the thermometer to measure your report.

5. Often the holidays to help couples find the agreement also under the sheets: obviously should not be an obligation but a pleasure, but do not forget it. Have more time for themselves, and for you, do not be in a hurry and feel more relaxed are all conditions that in the summer rekindled eros.

You're with the right person? Here are the questions to understand it

Even when it is very much in love, happen to asking questions about the person with whom you are: will be forever? Is that suitable to live, marry and have children?

Sometimes, seized with fear, it is believed that around the corner will be better and you leave your partner expecting to find "more". In other cases, it became convinced that the man or woman around us are suitable, but just because you are afraid of being alone.

It is not so easy to understand if you're with the right person; for this must be some questions and respond dosing rationality and emotion.

You're with the right person? 6 questions to understand it
There must be some basic ingredients that the love will last: respect, planning, sharing, patience and negotiation.
But understand whether the partner is suitable to you and build something not always easy; here is what are the things to ponder.

1. The partner is able to meet you?
If at first you settle for anything because you are completely in love and blinded by passion, you have to remember that the more time passes, the more need to another in a report. If the partner is not able to meet your needs, is uncaring and selfish, you must ask yourself if you can accept it forever. The weather does not make any difference.

2. Do you have joint projects for the future?
For you it is important to wear the white dress, walking down the aisle and have children, but he / she has other plans? Remember that unfortunately most of the time couples are in crisis because they have different desires, and in the long run this will weigh on the relationship.

3. Do you want to change you?
You're with him with the intention to change it and he expects the same from you? You should know that no one can change anyone else, rather ask yourself why you have chosen while not piacendovi altogether. The only goal in a couple must be to grow together, mixing their diversity.

4. Is there anything else besides the passion chemistry?
The passion and chemistry that prevents to stay away for a few hours and that makes your heart when you see may not last a lifetime. If you're with the right person, after the first few times you will realize that there's more that you like; otherwise it was just a flash in the pan.

5. You are honest with each other?
To figure out if you are a compatible pair, another question to ask is this; if you see that things often are silent, hide situations and moods for fear of being judged, perhaps the partner with whom you are not the right one. To be happy and bring forward a report you should not be afraid of the judgment of the other.

6. Looking for her / him the lifeline to your problems?
So far there is weighing the single life or you have always found companions and love wrong? The current one you seem the lesser evil? If so, however, it does not mean they have found the right person but only lifeline.

Couple in love and work

When there is half the work couples are more robust or fragile? According to a British study, those who share the profession and love is at risk, both in maintaining a proper balance of work that couple.

Let's look at the pros and cons.

I study
The study, conducted by the University of Bedfordshire, has been considering 291 couples who work within the university and 350 employees whose partners work in outdoor environments. Have been investigated the ability to balance work and private life, the impact of work on the family, the number of hours of work, the commitment and organizational support. The survey revealed that sharing the same work space thins the line between professional and private spheres. The limit of the search, however, is that of having investigated a single field; should be considered in fact, also the dynamics generated by the joint work that can be very different to vary the work and the couple.

Couple working and living together
How to save your relationship
It 'pretty hard to give general advice because every situation is self-contained and should be evaluated as such. In general, however, some caveats apply:

1. Avoid overlapping work role and personal, especially if one is the head of the other
2. prevent the symbiosis: the pair consists of two distinct individuals who must establish rules and divide responsibilities, with mutual respect
3. draw boundaries that protect the couple from becoming a single thing at work and at home
4. have self-awareness, observed from the outside and see how it is doing with the other
5. ensure that all is well share rules
6. find a space to be devoted only to yourself

The Pros
Share your work environment with your partner is to know closely any difficulties that the other faces, then the pair develops greater empathy than others.
It also becomes easier to communicate and especially you avoid conflict on issues working, it is feared the judgment of the other less and is easier to feel protected and collaborate, because it has the support of the other at all times.
Also they can share important information, although this does not necessarily have the same perspective on things, so it's essential that both maintain their own individuality.

Couple working and living together
The cons
The downside most common is surely to bring work home. For couples who work in the same environment, in fact, it's much easier to keep talking about what happened in the office, especially if there was a problem unsolved. Without raising ever you risk not finding a moment to talk about themselves as a couple.
Another problem is to not be able to distinguish between business and personal identity and mix things up.
A further risk is to have nothing more to say, made risky for a couple. Moreover, the work is an area of ​​personal fulfillment is right to build on their own.
Finally it could develop a competitive component in the pair in the long logorerebbe report.