According to the French sociologist Jean-Claude Kaufmann, there is an equation that governs love life. At first the relationship is adjusted on the idea that 1 + 1 is equal to 1, that he and she are one. Then with the passage of time and things get complicated equation will change to a 1 + 1 = 2, and in the meantime dismantle the mechanisms of communication that poison life together. Here are the things that is most resent in the pair.
Microconflittualità objects totem
Quarrel coppiaGli experts call microconflittualità objects totem and each has its: dirty clothes, toothpaste, toilet seat, trash. But the object is only a pretext, and those who complain of these oversights actually want to tell him that he is selfish. These complaints are typical of life together, when comparing different habits and everyone tries to define their own spaces. Usually one partner gives in to laziness of the intimacy of their home and in these cases we recommend not overdoing it. But if the situation continues it should be put in a few things clear.
Usual accusations
Guest threats and accusations are heavy in the life of a couple: to say that he or she is selfish and careless freak home and repeat it constantly is a game that triggers unnecessary wars and endless because it fights back to defend. You should avoid expressing their discontent so whiny and victimized and grunts are a form of aggression and a childish attitude that leads to react angrily. Better instead to express clearly what does not suit us, but politely.
Interpret the thoughts of others
Women often anticipate what they think the fellow will say, but it is a double trap. First you want to interpret the thought of the other partner and give it a trial, a conviction that it is far from clear that he shares. So the other feels cut off from any objection. Again the strategy is to talk about themselves, avoiding judgments and opinions attributed to another even if it is a time of great battle.
Communication oblique
Some couples, during conflicts, trying to force the other objective evidence of their view of things. Accusing the partners in the presence of others or tell him that we should record what he says, are examples of communication oblique, and stems from the inability to deal with the partner directly, preferring to summon a witness. If you often seek a third opinion means that communication has reached a critical point. In these cases better to ask for help from a couple therapist.
"Your business"
Quarrel Cleanliness sentence, but also "not my fault" are for the other party of low blows and fall in the strategies used to remove the problems, a convenient way to pull themselves out of the conflict, but also to agree to another to stop It is a way to download the problem with indifference. It's a tactic typically male with a single sentence opposed a glass ceiling and in fact, however, the communication ends with a great sense of frustration.
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Spy on the partner is right or wrong
The The The modern means certainly not help to refrain from spying on partners: accomplices phones, Internet, SMS, and chat is hard to resist improvise spies. You start by checking your phone and you end up typing the password to read emails or even get into the social network. Prohibited acts that may be the extremes of a crime (including the violation of privacy) and can create cracks because every romantic relationship should be based first of all on mutual trust.
When they fail trust and respect it is difficult to share a feeling because being the couple does not mean cancel their individuality and monitor the life of another can have only one effect: the break.
Is it right to spy on your partner?
Difficult to answer on the moral value of spying and is not easy to determine whether it is right or not to control the other. However, even when their suspicions are based, assume the role of Sherlock Holmes does not help solve the issue and look for evidence only requires a lot of stress for both the controller and the controlled. The only solution in this case is dialogue, because a verbal confrontation lets you know if the betrayal is associated in a moment of weakness, a momentary discomfort, in a personal crisis or couple.
Why do you spy? Spy on the partner
Usually what drives a person to control their partner is the low self-esteem, because people are frightened by the uncertainty insecure. The need to control is often related to a core belief that if control I avoid disappointments and suffering, and often this mechanism is because you have an emotional beckground unpleasant. These are usually people who have lived the experience of abandonment at an early age and adult feelings of disappointment and frustration can resurface and pour on the partner from which it is feared a betrayal or abandonment.
An OCD
Spy on the long run can create the risk of developing an obsessive-compulsive ritual against the person you love, especially when you realize that this activity can appease their personal anxieties. Only awareness helps to get rid of this behavior, the person must recognize his problem and become aware of the consequences that this behavior can have both personal and torque. It is important to analyze their wounds of abandonment to not download these anxieties about partner.
Check the partner
Spy is a crime
Italian law considers the practice of spying on a tort of invasion of privacy or correspondence. So even when you want to use these evidence in court in divorce cases, in most cases are unusable elements. The law prohibits the use as sources of evidence is the interception of telephone calls and SMS messages to be "stolen" from Facebook.
When they fail trust and respect it is difficult to share a feeling because being the couple does not mean cancel their individuality and monitor the life of another can have only one effect: the break.
Is it right to spy on your partner?
Difficult to answer on the moral value of spying and is not easy to determine whether it is right or not to control the other. However, even when their suspicions are based, assume the role of Sherlock Holmes does not help solve the issue and look for evidence only requires a lot of stress for both the controller and the controlled. The only solution in this case is dialogue, because a verbal confrontation lets you know if the betrayal is associated in a moment of weakness, a momentary discomfort, in a personal crisis or couple.
Why do you spy? Spy on the partner
Usually what drives a person to control their partner is the low self-esteem, because people are frightened by the uncertainty insecure. The need to control is often related to a core belief that if control I avoid disappointments and suffering, and often this mechanism is because you have an emotional beckground unpleasant. These are usually people who have lived the experience of abandonment at an early age and adult feelings of disappointment and frustration can resurface and pour on the partner from which it is feared a betrayal or abandonment.
An OCD
Spy on the long run can create the risk of developing an obsessive-compulsive ritual against the person you love, especially when you realize that this activity can appease their personal anxieties. Only awareness helps to get rid of this behavior, the person must recognize his problem and become aware of the consequences that this behavior can have both personal and torque. It is important to analyze their wounds of abandonment to not download these anxieties about partner.
Check the partner
Spy is a crime
Italian law considers the practice of spying on a tort of invasion of privacy or correspondence. So even when you want to use these evidence in court in divorce cases, in most cases are unusable elements. The law prohibits the use as sources of evidence is the interception of telephone calls and SMS messages to be "stolen" from Facebook.
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