Things that can not stand in the pair

According to the French sociologist Jean-Claude Kaufmann, there is an equation that governs love life. At first the relationship is adjusted on the idea that 1 + 1 is equal to 1, that he and she are one. Then with the passage of time and things get complicated equation will change to a 1 + 1 = 2, and in the meantime dismantle the mechanisms of communication that poison life together. Here are the things that is most resent in the pair.

Microconflittualità objects totem
Quarrel coppiaGli experts call microconflittualità objects totem and each has its: dirty clothes, toothpaste, toilet seat, trash. But the object is only a pretext, and those who complain of these oversights actually want to tell him that he is selfish. These complaints are typical of life together, when comparing different habits and everyone tries to define their own spaces. Usually one partner gives in to laziness of the intimacy of their home and in these cases we recommend not overdoing it. But if the situation continues it should be put in a few things clear.

Usual accusations
Guest threats and accusations are heavy in the life of a couple: to say that he or she is selfish and careless freak home and repeat it constantly is a game that triggers unnecessary wars and endless because it fights back to defend. You should avoid expressing their discontent so whiny and victimized and grunts are a form of aggression and a childish attitude that leads to react angrily. Better instead to express clearly what does not suit us, but politely.

Interpret the thoughts of others
Women often anticipate what they think the fellow will say, but it is a double trap. First you want to interpret the thought of the other partner and give it a trial, a conviction that it is far from clear that he shares. So the other feels cut off from any objection. Again the strategy is to talk about themselves, avoiding judgments and opinions attributed to another even if it is a time of great battle.

Communication oblique
Some couples, during conflicts, trying to force the other objective evidence of their view of things. Accusing the partners in the presence of others or tell him that we should record what he says, are examples of communication oblique, and stems from the inability to deal with the partner directly, preferring to summon a witness. If you often seek a third opinion means that communication has reached a critical point. In these cases better to ask for help from a couple therapist.

"Your business"
Quarrel Cleanliness sentence, but also "not my fault" are for the other party of low blows and fall in the strategies used to remove the problems, a convenient way to pull themselves out of the conflict, but also to agree to another to stop It is a way to download the problem with indifference. It's a tactic typically male with a single sentence opposed a glass ceiling and in fact, however, the communication ends with a great sense of frustration.