Unfortunately it is not: there is still some disagreement about what self-esteem actually is. After decades of discussion on the definition of self-esteem, however, there are some points on which most psychologists seem to agree. Here they are
1. There are several types of self-esteem
Scientists agree that our self-esteem can be both "global" (what we think of ourselves and how we feel about ourselves in general) and "specific" (what we think of ourselves and how we feel about ourselves in roles specific, such as parents, as professionals, such as sports etc).
Although we all have different specific domains of self-esteem, not all are equally important, because ...
2. The impact on self-esteem specific global varies
Plus a specific domain of self-esteem is important and meaningful to us, the more this will impact on our overall self-esteem. For example, to play a bad round of golf would not affect us much to us if golf is not that important, but it will create a potentially serious dent in our overall self-esteem if we are professional golfers.
Here because ...
3. Our self-esteem fluctuates from day to day and from hour to hour
Just like in a classic "bad day" of our hair that refused to stay in place, one day we can get up that we are particularly good about ourselves and we feel safe to us, and only the next day we can be totally incapable. Usually we believe that our self-esteem is crystallized, or high or low, but it's much more fluid and dynamic: undergoes increases and decreases according to internal feedback that we give ourselves and to those coming from outside.
People often think that having very high self-esteem is the ideal situation, but ...
4. Have a very high self-esteem is not necessarily a good thing
Ideally, our self-esteem should be reasonably high, but not too high! Narcissists tend to have feelings of self very high, but their self-esteem is fragile and unstable. Even insults little ones can make you feel deeply hurt the narcissist. It is for this reason that people with a reasonable self-esteem (and stable) tend to be psychologically healthier than those with a high self-esteem (but fragile).
If you think that narcissists are incredibly attractive, it could be due to their appearance impeccable, but this does not say much of their self-esteem because ...
5. Self-esteem is not related to physical attractiveness
Some studies have found that people with low self-esteem were considered attractive as much as those with high self-esteem. What makes the difference however is how we present ourselves to others. Imagine two people equally attractive: what you feel better about himself, will dress in a more interesting, it will be loose and confident, so will leave a better impression than the insecure person ...
If you think you are attractive people, you will probably feel better about yourself because people will give more attention and make you more compliments, whereas ...
6. People with low self-esteem are resistant to feedback positive
Unfortunately, have low self-esteem makes us resistant to compliments and positive references, however, may increase our feeling of self-worth. When our self-esteem is low, we feel not worthy to receive praise. Many people try to improve their self-esteem by being yourself compliments in the form of positive affirmations, such as "I'm attractive and worthy of love" or "I will soon be a great success."
Unfortunately ...
7. Positive affirmations can make people feel low self-esteem ... even worse!
When people with low self-esteem receive compliments, not only are resistant, even tend to feel worse. In fact, when an appreciation falls away from your belief system, you tend to reject it. When someone feels profoundly weak and powerless, receiving a compliment of strength and prowess he does is remind the person what at that time instead feels exactly the opposite condition. Ironically, people who tend to benefit more from positive affirmations are those who already have a high self-esteem.
Compliments "self directed" are not the only "remedy DIY" used to increase your self-confidence. On the market there are many others, unfortunately they all follow the principles set out above. In fact ..
8. Most of the "Programs" to increase self-esteem ... do not work!
Some studies show that self-esteem of many people does not change after the use of programs and seminars aimed at promoting it. So why self-esteem puts in motion a still flourishing market? The studies in this area have discovered that after having played a program of increased self-esteem, we tend to distort our memories of how it felt before you begin, and we remember our previous level of self-esteem as lower than it was in reality. We thus believe that our self-esteem is enhanced when, in fact, has not changed.
It 'a shame that many of these programs do not work, because ...
9. Having self-esteem works as a reasonably high "emotional immune system"
When our self-esteem is higher, suffer less stress and anxiety, we experience as less harmful waste and failures and we recover from painful experiences faster. In this sense, self-esteem can act as "emotional immune system", which serves to buffer our emotional and psychological wounds.
It follows that we should do everything possible to protect and strengthen our self-esteem, and yet ...
10. Most of the damage to our self-esteem is self-inflicted
Unfortunately, often we react to failures and waste becoming self-critical, putting us to list all of our faults and our weaknesses, addressing ourselves with offensive epithets and taking us metaphorically kicked when we're already down. We also use ridiculous justifications further damaging our fragile self-esteem when it is already wound, such as "I deserve it!", "This will help me to be humble," "I have to keep my expectations low," "I hate". There is a program for everyone and it can do wonders for our self-esteem: self-criticism abolish unnecessary and punitive internal dialogue ... and is also free!
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